The Pizzazzy

With my young nephew we can get anything done with a mere promise of a few hours of TV watching. Although everyone of us keep saying that it’s bad for his eyes and blah blah we barter it for some selfish reasons. If he is not ready to come on the phone I usually hear Di in the background telling him that “Urjit, if you speak with Mausi, I’ll let you watch TV” or “See what Mausi is saying. She says she is getting a new toy for you, Come!”. And Urjit is speaking his heart out on the phone.

If he is disturbing us in our partying we also lure him into silence with a few hours of playing games on the net which is again not good for his eyes. I understand that it is truly difficult to get things done from these young monsters and we usually put conditions. Incentive of an ice cream treat, if they study or clean up the room or even behave themselves. And sometimes you will be so amazed by their negotiation skills. We sure can take a lesson or two from them.

If you really think back, we have been the same way during our childhood days, there were always conditions placed on us or by us, incentives with every little act to and fro. If you get good marks, you can get a new set of toys or a new set of clothes or a new cycle or a new bike or an extra hour in the playground or an overnite pajama party and so on.

Although our parents and their parents and we as parents always tried and maintained “no wheeling and dealing” attitude, we know that we got away with them and now Urjit also has all the right in the world.

Parents deliberately never encouraged us to enter into negotiations but I think it healthy to involve the kids into such negotiations in day to day life. For instance when Urjit says “I want to watch a movie” and Di then tells him to finish his writing” then he says “will you make maggie for me” and then she says “ok then help me clean up your room” I think this is completely healthy and in this case Urjit knows what he is getting into.

And as he grows up he will learn to give importance and respect to other’s opinion. And will be in control of any situation by weighing the pros and cons of it.

I remember doing it so many times. Buying my way into getting others to do things my way conditionally. Convincing my parents why I need a new school uniform or a new school bag or extra pocket money or be allowed to watch the afternoon regional movies during exams also. Our parents listened to us and let us voice our opinion and gave in. Gave in or Gave up! No, in fact they respected our opinions and gave us independence to make decisions only if we ensured that it was not coming in the way of our studies or discipline.

We got punished when we did not fulfill our part of the deal. Why not, parents place trust when they agree to the bargains and it breaks the hearts of both the parties when the trust is broken.

If you think hard enough you will realize that we have been negotiating all our life in each of our relations. So, next time you observe your kid doing it, steer it into a healthy one without giving in or giving up and you will be helping them shape their personalities.

Some things interestingly change over a period of time. In the earlier days of our marriage I used to be so disturbed by Anand’s constant snoring. Lots of waking hours were spent getting amazed at the various noises he could make from his nose. There intensity would vary depending on how deep in sleep he was. As suggested by him I even tried to turn his head a little when his snores got too unbearable. But nothing helped except for nudging him slightly so he would reposition himself and for a few minutes I would have quite a peaceful sleep before it started again in the background.

Now, it’s a different scene, without realizing how, this sound has crept into the normalcy of life around me. I am so used to his snores that I even miss them when he is not around. In fact it feels as if there’s something quite out of place without it. My mind is so tuned to his snores that now the snores induce sleep in me and it is quite peaceful also. Although I still take refuge in the pages of my favorite novels I also need the constant snores in the background.

Apart from inducing sleep they also provide me with a sense of security. My brain has registered this sound and sends out signal of safety automatically as I know just by the snores that he is besides me. I think the sense of sound beats the sense of touch. Amazing isn’t it. Such is the life after marriage, some things are really shocking at the beginning and soon without realizing they become part of your life. Anyways how many times would a girl look at her boyfriend and wonder “does he snore in bed?” How unromantic would that be?

By the way the romance flies right out of the window as soon as you start settling down into your so called married bliss with the snores and everything else unless you start finding your husband’s snores very romantic. Seriously!! You have to keep the romance alive or look for it somewhere else.. Okay this was a joke. I mean try to find it in small things and not lose yourselves in all the chores that your routine entails.

Sometimes when I sleep alone and I wake up in the night and don’t hear the familiar snores my sleep runs miles away and then it takes some time for me to get back to sleep.

Since I promised to be honest I’ll tell you another irritating habit between us. Somehow in the night I manage to pull the blanket all to myself. God knows how I do that considering that the struggle is between me and the heavyweight. The thing is Anand must have been or rather is equally annoyed with this habit but as I said such is the life after marriage that he denies to use a second blanket. Now that’s romance right! Sharing the same blanket!! See it isn’t all that bad also.

Before I forget let me tell you the point here, marriage is mostly about companionship and accepting each other the way they are, most of the time adapting yourself to the likes, dislikes and good or bad habits of your partner. It solely means doing things together. And somehow I could never understand the need for personal space between couples. I think this happens only if both the partners are not understanding enough. Well I am leaving this post at this point to touch on it again in some future post but if you feel otherwise come enlighten me too.

It couldn’t have been more eventful than it got yesterday. What began as a typical Saturday ended up being quite adventorous to the extent of being risky.

After a lazy morning and a leisurely lunch I left the house to meet my friends Smitha and Vaishali. Smitha I was meeting after 3 years, we were working together before we both got married around the same time and she left for UK. After that we were in touch through mails and I was pretty excited about meeting her.

The other friend Vaishali happened to join us, she is from the translation department of my previous company. A fun person to be with. Well, the original plan was to go for the Kerala Massage Therapy at DP Road. But fortunately it was closed and it gave us some time to catch up on old times.

Me and Smitha have so many things in common, we both met our respective husbands during college, they were our best friends before we got married, they are maharastrians and we are not. Well even before we had all these things in common we connected and have become good friends.

After some three four hours of non stop chatter and continous bursts of laughter and giggles over a few cups of cappucinos, garlic breads and ceaser salads we felt rejuvenated, so much that it was better than any massage therapy.

During all these good hours I was actually getting late to reach Di’s place. She had invited me and Anand for a barbecue party. Yes, it’s barbecue parties everywhere and I am not at all sorry to mention it every now and then in my posts. Okie, so the boneless chicken was perched up in the corner waiting for me to turn them into delicious kebabs. I decided not to follow any recipe and simply marinated them with the green marinade that we use for preparing fish curry.

The guys were busy at getting the fire started in the barbecue and since the coal was taking some time to burn and heat up the barbecue, the guys got hold of some spirit. So, here’s the beginning of the adventure. As soon as the spirit was put into the pit, the flames caught fire and shoot up. The reaction was so fast that the flames caught the spirit within the bottle, the next moment was crazy, the bottle was thrown and the spirit caught more fire and it started spreading in the gallery. The ladies were looking for water, the guys were into fire fighting.

We managed to find water cans and buckets and managed somehow to extinguish the fire. The flames in the pit extinguished after one final wild uproar. Finally we caught our breath and were totally shocked and the next 15-20 minutes went into cleaning up the coal marks and everything in the gallery. Thankfully no one was hurt and nothing was lost, and most importantly during all this chaos Urjit was busy in the bedroom with his Cartoon network and was saved from witnessing the accident.

Another half an hour went into post mortem of the horror while we switched to the electric grill. The drinks resumed with the great tasting grilled chickens, kebabs and some rice. Although we ladies had lost our appetite we managed to stuff our stomach with some of the food.

The guys kept repeating the morale of the story “Never to use spirit or rock oil to start fire” but in retrospect what I see is a family having good time together and fighting danger together with a perfect co-ordination and co-operation. You see those 2-3 minutes were really horrific and we acted really fast. Although I am scared to even think about the scene but after the storm I felt we emerged as a family more closer and more bonded.