The Pizzazzy

With my young nephew we can get anything done with a mere promise of a few hours of TV watching. Although everyone of us keep saying that it’s bad for his eyes and blah blah we barter it for some selfish reasons. If he is not ready to come on the phone I usually hear Di in the background telling him that “Urjit, if you speak with Mausi, I’ll let you watch TV” or “See what Mausi is saying. She says she is getting a new toy for you, Come!”. And Urjit is speaking his heart out on the phone.

If he is disturbing us in our partying we also lure him into silence with a few hours of playing games on the net which is again not good for his eyes. I understand that it is truly difficult to get things done from these young monsters and we usually put conditions. Incentive of an ice cream treat, if they study or clean up the room or even behave themselves. And sometimes you will be so amazed by their negotiation skills. We sure can take a lesson or two from them.

If you really think back, we have been the same way during our childhood days, there were always conditions placed on us or by us, incentives with every little act to and fro. If you get good marks, you can get a new set of toys or a new set of clothes or a new cycle or a new bike or an extra hour in the playground or an overnite pajama party and so on.

Although our parents and their parents and we as parents always tried and maintained “no wheeling and dealing” attitude, we know that we got away with them and now Urjit also has all the right in the world.

Parents deliberately never encouraged us to enter into negotiations but I think it healthy to involve the kids into such negotiations in day to day life. For instance when Urjit says “I want to watch a movie” and Di then tells him to finish his writing” then he says “will you make maggie for me” and then she says “ok then help me clean up your room” I think this is completely healthy and in this case Urjit knows what he is getting into.

And as he grows up he will learn to give importance and respect to other’s opinion. And will be in control of any situation by weighing the pros and cons of it.

I remember doing it so many times. Buying my way into getting others to do things my way conditionally. Convincing my parents why I need a new school uniform or a new school bag or extra pocket money or be allowed to watch the afternoon regional movies during exams also. Our parents listened to us and let us voice our opinion and gave in. Gave in or Gave up! No, in fact they respected our opinions and gave us independence to make decisions only if we ensured that it was not coming in the way of our studies or discipline.

We got punished when we did not fulfill our part of the deal. Why not, parents place trust when they agree to the bargains and it breaks the hearts of both the parties when the trust is broken.

If you think hard enough you will realize that we have been negotiating all our life in each of our relations. So, next time you observe your kid doing it, steer it into a healthy one without giving in or giving up and you will be helping them shape their personalities.